I watched Queen yesterday. And I sit to write this at midnight. Not because my creative energies are at their peak then or anything of the sort but for the simple reason that I wouldn’t be putting off anything I feel like doing, for later…and eventually no longer feel like it at all. More about that later but here are two stories I’ve been pondering today..
When I first wrote Journeys , I wrote it like a romantic novel and I saw it as one too. A beautiful scene from our lives which we so often wish had grown into something more fantastic, a page straight out of a lovely fable. When I signed off, I did it with certain apprehension, covering it under a beautiful and plausible veil of uncertainty and wonder. All the times I viewed multitudes of towns passing by, cultures changing shades like morning hues and the distinct air of different regions, one thing didn’t change… All the while I was under the protection of the tainted window of the A/C bogie, under command of the trek leader, under certainty of authority. Somehow now I realise (and have a hard time admitting), may be some part of me was comfortable under that shield, of not being left all by myself, of not being in control… Because I didn’t feel up to it.
And may be it was because I knew this deep down, that I was ceaselessly trying to be better equipped, better read, more knowledgeable, more sensible, stronger, smarter and getting worked up over it. Like I had to do something different, be someone different to see the world as it is.
And yesterday, no, actually today morning after I had devoured Rani’s story and burped, it hit me… I didn’t have to do all of that. I needed a little push, I needed to take responsibility, I needed to trust my gut, have little faith, to get where I want to be.. And wouldn’t be able to do that until I don’t run from what is chaining me down (more mentally, than physically). Maybe a little willingness shown in place of firmness, a little adaptability instead of nonconformity and asking for help over being a know-it-all might get us farther.
Story two, I am a self-proclaimed ridiculous dancer. I cannot move without making it seem like I have an ache in some particular part of my body. I get up today, and I dance… I walk out as if nothing incredibly freakish has happened, I come back again and I dance again…and again, just to make my point. And for the simple reason that I feel like it and feel so good about it! It’s simple really, and silly and makes me grin from ear to ear! Then why the hell would I question it! I feel like hugging myself, and I do (before I no longer feel like it at all ;)) and embrace my free spirit and strengths and shortcomings all the same! I think that’s the part where Rani and Vijaylaxmi hug! 🙂
And so came about ‘The Feel Good Post’… Because I do feel good embracing the Queen in me (though Vijaylaxmi and the Amsterdam Gang too left lasting impressions on me), and keeping the amazing spirit to myself would be selfish! plus, this is the closest I could come to shouting it out loud (which is a strong urge I’ve had since morning)!