When I look back…

Flipping through the pages of my diary leaves me slightly breathless and in a chaos of emotions. The incidents come alive and I dwell in each for not more than a few seconds. Some are beginning to form just vague memories, while some are etched, crystal clear, and make their presence felt at the most abrupt moments!

Though I look at every instance with a varying emotion- ranging from regret to ecstasy, from despair to hopefulness; the others are overlapped by one strong, lingering emotion. Gratitude.

It was perhaps only towards the end of the year that I realised that I had spent too much of my time and energy on people and situations and circumstances that were beyond my control. Worse still, viewing it from a wrong perspective all the while. Because in spite of things having gone terribly wrong, there were also experiences which couldn’t have been better. For every person who walked away, there was also a person who has stayed, there are also new friends who would be around to stay. Life is about cherishing these people and these memories. Those are the only ones worth holding on to. Looking back, I realise these ups and downs combined, have left me feeling impulsive, yet accepting; expectant, yet content; finer, yet humbler; softer, yet stronger; tender, yet tougher. And opened my heart and mind to a whole lot of adventures and experiences that await me!

It seems very easy to sometimes wallow in a web we’ve built around ourselves and settle for things and experiences that are within reach. But that’s not done! When you reach out of that comfort zone with courage and faith, you’re introduced to a newer self and potential, and amazing and overwhelming stories and experiences which change your outlook about a lot of things. That would perhaps, no, certainly be the biggest learning of this year.

And overwhelmed with these emotions, I stand at the threshold of the coming year. A time where we all take another chance, on the edge of irrationality yet in complete sincerity, out of the simple desire to be a better person tomorrow than we have been, and we promise to hold on to it when the dawn breaks…. And that promise and that person, is beautiful.. That promise is Hope 🙂

So, 2013, in spite of all the shades you portrayed since day 1, thanks for closing with the best of them. This is why I can look forward to the adventures and uncertainties of 2014 with anxiety but also faith and anticipation.

And so, I look back with gratitude… And I look forward with hope.

Wish you all Very Happy New Year! 😀

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